What did I tell you on Friday? Now it seems that Barack Obama’s aunt who comes from Kenya has been found living as an illegal immigrant in Boston. Now Obama says that he had no idea that his aunt, Zeituni Onyango, was even in the country. Well he would say that wouldn’t he? However records show she has been living illegally in the US for at least four years, after her formal request for asylum was turned down in 2004. Now the only reason she couldn’t find a job on the side is that she couldn’t speak Spanish. But normally she would have been deported immediately but her case appears to have been lost in bureaucracy, which basically means her nephew has done a cover up.

As a Brit. I don’t know too much about politics in the US, what I know is from knowlege gained from watching the news and reading the papers. I do know from my frequent visits to the States and from our many customers from the US that old Dubya wasn’t too popular. I think a lot of the Yanks were not very happy about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. You weren’t happy, what about us poor fuckers in the UK. It had fuck all to do with us but that twat Blair sent the boys over as his head was so far up Dubyas arse. Bush said ‘Jump’ Blair asked ‘How high’? Anyway as we are smothered now every night in the UK with the politics in the USA I thought I would add my thoughts. I don’t want anyone getting upset about my opinions, they are not meant to upset any of my guests or good friends over the water. They are just opinions. Firstly is America ready for a Black President? I am not sure that they are. With such a diverse geography there are a lot of regions that won’t vote it, that’s a fact. There are other areas where the blacks are the majority so that vote is in the bag. Who will get the Spanish vote? which in Florida and California is massive. I don’t know. Obama is anti war now, what’s he going to do about the Russians then, who are in my opinion quite right at the moment by saying fuck you USA if we want to nick a Country or 2 we will do and if you don’t like it, tough. Oh and by the way we have just tested another long range nuclear missile. I mean to be fair I am fucking fed up with us all telling other Countries what to do and how to do it. If they all want to kill each other, let em get on with it. If they want to work for 2 cents a day, let em do it. What has the police system in China got to do with us? What has the political situation in Timbucktoo got to do with us? Nothing. All these fucking immigrants in the UK telling us what we should do and how we should do it, well fuck em, that’s what I say. The US is a little different, a new Country really, certainly a young one. The Brits gave them the Country after the war of indipendence, where they had to gang up with the French to put up any kind of show. 220 years later and they think they can boss us around a bit. Well in the case of the Brits they can, but these Ruskies are a different story. Has Obama got the balls to stand up to them? I doubt it. McCain I think does have the balls, whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is something we will see in time. Bush had the balls but fucked up in the first Gulf War, once we had them we should of finished them but we didn’t, we came home. Now look at the fuck up we have. Poles released in the UK today show Obama to be in the lead, so we will just have to see. I am sticking my £5 on McCain and no, I am not a fucking racist.

Whilst sipping on a nice cup of tea the other day I was perusing the news articles on the internet. In doing so I chanced upon an article celebrating the many “gaffes” made by our very own Prince Philip. Taken in the right spirit these are, of course, all very amusing. There are also those who would use these perceived gaffes as an excuse to further lambast the Monarchy using “Big Phils” terminology as an example of how out of touch the Royals are with the “common man”. Well of course they’re “out of touch” they’re the Royal fuckin’ Family you’re not going to see them queuing up in fuckin’ Tescos are you? So what if his “terminology” is slightly “out of step” with what is now considered to be right and proper. This is a man who served in WW II, he grew up in an era when “Nigger Black” was a colour rather than a racist remark, in an era when people could speak in a direct and frank way to each other without fear of being sued by some wanker who has been waiting for an opportunity to make some money out of another’s often innocent mistake in the language they use.

Anyway, without further ado let us enjoy some of the remarks made by “The Prince of Impropriety”:

The god of gaffes, Prince Philip can always be relied on to put his foot firmly in his mouth at the most inopportune of moments. The gleeful acts of gaucherie he habitually commits while going about his official duties are rivalled only by those of the blooper-prone US  President.

“They must be out of their minds.” (In 1982, in the Solomon Islands, after being told that the annual population growth was only 5%)

“Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.” (In 1999, to young deaf people in Cardiff, referring to a school’s steel band)

“It looks as if it was put in by an Indian.” (In 1999, referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh)

“Bloody silly fool!” (in 1997, referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who failed to recognise him)

“We didn’t have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking ‘Are you all right? Are you sure you don’t have a ghastly problem?’ You just got on with it.” (Commenting in 1995 on modern stress counselling for servicemen)

“Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.” (During the 1981 recession)

“Still throwing spears?” (Question put to an Australian Aborigine during a visit in March 2002)

“Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.” (In 1992 in Australia, when asked to stroke a Koala bear)

“Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species in the world.” (In 1991, in Thailand, after accepting a conservation award)

“You can’t have been here that long – you haven’t got a pot belly.” (In 1993, to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary)

“Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?” (In 1994, to an islander in the Cayman Islands)

“You managed not to get eaten, then?” (In 1998, to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea)

“If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.” (At a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting)

As those of you who follow Paul’s blog will know he is currently in Europe and I am ashamed to say that I have been somewhat neglectful of the blog in recent weeks. For that you have my apologies.

As you all know Paul and I are both avid Leeds fans, though our faith has been sorely tested in recent years. Today I took my customary perusal of the Leeds United website and chanced upon an article about Norman Hunter and the 1966 World Cup winning team. Already I can hear you crying (especially the Jocks) “no no not more fuckin reminders of 1966″. You will be pleased to know that I am not going to wax lyrical about that marvelous day when England sat victorious atop the footballing world, ‘cos I’m as sick of hearing about it as you all are! However, there is a point to all this. It has been decided that all the squad members, of which Norman Hunter was one, are to receive a cup winners medal and not just the guys who played on the day. For those of you bereft of a football education, Norman Hunter was one of the stars of the great Don Revie’s Leeds United side.

Of course “our Norman” is delighted by this turn of events. Commenting:

Norman says the team-spirit generated by Sir Alf Ramsey was a key factor in the success achieved by the boys of ‘66.

“Alf Ramsey made it clear everyone was involved,” said “The players got £2000 for winning the World Cup and they shared it with the whole squad.

“It was a very, very strong side, and the togetherness was one of the reasons why we won it.”

This prompted me to reflect on last weeks events in English football, that is the fact that England did not qualify for Euro ‘08 and the manager got sacked. The manager getting sacked was a given really, I was never a big fan of his anyway and in my view it’s no great loss to the National team. Who the FA will choose to replace him remains to be seen. Evidently one of the front runners is Alan Shearer – this is a man who has no managerial experience whatsoever and can barely speak English (he mumbles some Geordie shite that apparently passes for English where he comes from)!! Doesn’t bode well does it?

So, to the “spirit” of football. Those guys in ‘66 got 2000 pounds between them, yes that’s right they shared it. Can you imagine these greedy cunts who play today doing that? Of course they wouldn’t, they’d tell you to fuck off if you offered them 2000 quid each never mind to share! I’m afraid the days of wanting to play for your country have long gone, along with the team spirit. It’s all been replaced with the “what’s in it for me” spirit. So now we have a group of individual players who are more interested in advertising revenue and bonuses than “bonding” as a team and doing something for the country. I would fuck ‘em all off and get some of the young lads in the shirt, at least they might be proud to wear the Three Lions on their chest and actually try and win the game rather than nonchalantly going through the motions. They might actually play with some “spirit”.

On a positive note there was a slight shaft of light glimmering in the darkness of the footballing weekend – those Munich bastards got beat by Bolton!!!! Which goes to show that every cloud does have a silver lining.

Richie

I will have to finish my holiday runaround later, last weeks trip to the States has put me behind schedule again. There doesn’t seem to be enough days in the week at the moment. The Adult Vacation Resort is full to the brim, just about fully booked through to the beginning of December now. My Miami trip was overshadowed at the weekend by the sports results from Europe. Leeds United of course struck gold again and remain undefeated so far this season. A last minute goal against the mighty Yeovil ensured 3 points and we carry on marching up the table. The return game will be interesting too as it’s a 280 mile trip to Yeovil, where I here the cider is pretty good.

Rugby World Cup weekend was a belter, the Brits stuck it up those sheep shagging convicts from Australia with a scoreline of 12-10 and sent the fuckers home with tears in there eyes. Fucking great. Australia captain Stirling Mortlock is taking the blame for their quarter-final defeat by England. “I think I missed three kicks and in the end that was the difference,” Mortlock said. “It’s extremely difficult on kickers. If I had (kicked the goals) we wouldn’t be sitting here and we wouldn’t be going home tomorrow.” and here’s the best bit, Mortlock, talking about his final kick which could have won Australia the match, said: “I thought it was over. The wind was a bit skewiff. When I went to address the ball it was going left to right. I hit it exactly where I wanted to. Wrong you dopy twat, you hit it exactly where myself and another 50 million Poms wanted you to hit it, wide of the fucking post. You need to go to Spec-savers mate, off you go my friend, Qantas flight 234 to Botany Bay awaits you. That should teach all you loud mouth Wombat eating fuckers for being so big headed. While we are at it, what about the All Blacks, they also got their ass kicked by the fucking Froggies. So the favourites are also out of the competition. A major tactical change and several well-timed substitutions sparked France’s win. The French booked a semi-final with England after defeating the All Blacks 20-18 in Cardiff on Saturday. They appeared to be out of the match, trailing 13-3 at half time, but coach Bernard Laporte rang the changes to wrest the game back. France captain Raphaël Ibanez said it meant a lot to his players to beat the All Blacks. “It is a great victory for all the players who gave everything on the field right until the end. We keep a lot of respect for this New Zealand team, they remain exceptional players. Now as delighted as I am with this result, I mean hats off to the Frogs for this result, what made me piss my pants was when the Froggie Captain Ibanez finished his statement with the following quote. “In such a great competition as the world cup, courage and spirit make the difference and that’s what happened today,” he said. Fucking courage and spirit?? from the Frogs??? Yeah right, they’d all be speaking fucking German if it wasn’t for the Brits. Courage and Spirit my fucking arse. Then of course we had Argentina thumping the Scottish, by 19-13, fucking brilliant. As much as we don’t like the Argies, we still remember the Falklands and that cheating fat bastard Maradona at the Soccer World Cup, but the Scots?? Fuck them and their fried fucking Mars Bars. Getting beat by a South American team, a continent that doesn’t play rugby, you should be ashamed of yourselves. To say I am pleased is an understatement. Flower of Scotland, yeah that’s about it, fucking daisy’s not Thistles. Finally my favourite team, the mighty Springboks, they outplayed Fiji 37-20 and will now go on and lift the Webb Ellis trophy for a second time.
Yes it’s been a great week for me.