I’m back! I’m rehabilitated! I’m allowed out on my own again. I’ve got my job with the Blog back.
First of all I would like to express my thanks for all the letters, faxes, emails
and cards I received wishing me luck during my illness (all one of them). I suppose I should explain to everyone that I wasn’t really sick. It was what us writers call a ‘literary device’ enabling me to move my writing in new directions. It was a really nice thought though! Thank you.
I am going to keep the pretence of having been away going for a few more months however. That way, I can write about all the things I’ve missed while I’ve been away. And all the things I’ve not missed. You know, all the things about living in Venezuela that piss me off. Now I know this is technically Ana’s territory but like I said, I’m moving my writing in new directions.
I’m sure she will understand, we’re all on the Adult Vacations team after all. Talking of ‘Adult Vacations’, at a recent team building session it was pointed out that there was no ‘fucking’ in ‘Adult Vacations’ (and yes, the person talking about it really did do that annoying little action with her fingers).
Anyway, back to things that piss me off about living in here.
First thing is all the petty little government officials (police officers, government officials, beach sellers and waiters) who insist on speaking ultra fast Spanish instead of nice easy paced Spanish (yeah, guess who’s just got his fucking tax retuen). Now I don’t expect preferential treatment because I’m English, but I do expect equal treatment. I mean there’s only one official languages here, and Spanish Rapido isn’t it!
Next, is anyone else sick of shop girls looking at you like you’re stupid because you didn’t quite catch if they said ‘setenta’ (70) or ‘sesenta’ (60)? They do sound alike, don’t they? Or maybe it’s just me.
The next thing that annoys me is why, even though I’ve lived in Venezuela for years, why do I still, every now and then, go to open the door on the wrong side of the car? I always feel so fucking stupid, sitting there looking at the glove box, wondering who’s nicked the steering wheel.
And another thing, whenever I’ve done it, there’s always, and I mean always, someone watching. Last time it happened to me (earlier today) it was a smug looking Copper, sitting there in his air conditioned, personalised paint colour top-of-the range fucking Government Car. How cool he thought he looked sitting there in Sambil’s car park I’ll never know. Bastard!
Time before that it was a fucking hooker, who gave a knowing nod, as if to say, ‘thought so’.
Also, why oh why can’t I get a decent deep crust pizza here? I’m sick of having to go to find a Pizza Hut in order to get a halfway filling pepperoni and onion.
And don’t even get me started on the thin, half cooked, greasy, anaemic looking worm casts that pass for chips here. I would hesitate before I fed them to a dog. A starving dog. A starving dog with a penchant for soggy potatoes.
And while we’re on the subject of food, why is there only one Kentucky Fried Chicken here on the Island? Fuck all the problems about water, pollution, green house gases and the credit crunch. Where are all the fucking KFCs? That’s what the politicians should be worrying about. Why don’t they get their priorities right?
And what about the noise? The fucking noise! Car horns, mopeds, fireworks, shouting, screaming kids, rubbish trucks, building sites. I’m surprised there are so many cemeteries here. How the fuck all the noise doesn’t wake their inhabitants I’ll never know.
Finally, what about this weird sense of time they have over here? I had a meeting a while back with a senior figure in a large company. The meeting was scheduled for 10am. At 10:40 the receptionist suggested I should go for a coffee at a nearby café. When I returned at 11:10 there was still no sign of my appointee. At twenty past eleven he finally showed up. But what really got me, and I mean what really got my back right up, was that he never even apologised. I was fuming. But when I told Ana about it she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Ah well, that’s Margarita!” No it isn’t. It’s fucking bad manners, that’s all.

Well that’s just about all the time I have for today. I just have enough time to mention that, if you’re thinking about writing to me to complain about me slagging off anyone on here, try to come up with something original or just don’t fucking bother.

Well my 2 week vacation has come to an end. It was nice to get back to Margarita and catch up with everyone. Same faces, same great people, just a bit more expensive and a few more Russians around. The politics there are crazy at the moment and if the man in red gets his way I can see it going the way of Cuba. I am hoping that’s not the case as we have some more premises there that we want to get up and running. I had a few good meetings over the last 2 weeks and if the politics quieten down and they can get some tourist confidence back then we will maybe open up again on the Island. Otherwise it will be just the 2 locations in the Dominican republic for 2009. No, before you ask the second location will not be in Boca Chica. In fact I read the following amazing shit on a forum whilst in Venezuela. No wonder no fucker wants to go there..

Question.

2. Boca Chica has deteriorated over the past 25 years, transforming itself into a depressed center for drugs, prostitution and what usually comes with that territory. The local street walkers are well aware of the allure that brings intl tourists to the local sex trade, and many of these tourists fall prey to what appears to be a very loose and liberal environment, unaware of the traps they will encounter and the risk they run in the process.

4. From the top of my head. Five Europeans shot or stabbed to death the last couple of years. Four Italians and one German. Two of them were regular tourists, the other three residents. I’m not speculating in the reason behind I’m just adding these facts to the bigger picture. Over and out.

5. Maybe Todobien’s friend is talking about the area of boca chica La Duarte near the pista and burger king area.

I’ve been going to BC for many years and never felt any dangers on duarte but recently I was takent to the “esqina caliente” which is were everyone goes after the bars close.

To my suprise, within minutes of my arrival I say a guy get into a fist fight with his girlfriend and her sister in the middle of the street. After punching her 5-6 in the face he casually got on this bike and took off.

Absolutely no police presence at this spot, lots of drugs, and completly out of control. As I was leaving I saw a drugged out girl standing in the middle of the street blocking traffic and threating to throw bottles at oncoming cars until she was dragged off.

So after all our research we had a choice, Boca Chica or The Gaza Strip….

Boca Chica lost the vote……..